Am I getting old or what??
I feel like I’m finding more of my self confidence the older I get. I’m can feel my confidence growing and growing inside me. Whether it be in a work situation or in my personal life. Picking up the phone or scheduling the meeting I’ve been putting off for months is becoming a lot less daunting. I’m not sure if this is an age thing or if I’m becoming clearer on what it is I actually want from my life but the fear factor feels as though it is decreasing. There are definitely still situations that can seem nearly impossible to overcome but they are definitely getting less frequent.I’ve always been interested in meditation and self development and since meeting my fiancé I have really stepped on the gas in this area of my life. I know this is having an impact on my self love and therefore my confidence. I accepted a while ago that I wasn’t going to be the next Tony Royster Jr or Thomas Pridgen and you know what? I am totally ok with this. The 15 year old me would have begged to differ but the 30 year old me has a very different understanding of what it is to be a musician. Not better or worse, just different.
I have the deepest connection with my music today than ever before, I AM IN LOVE WITH IT AGAIN! Now, this is definitely helped by the fact that I get to play super fun gigs in some quite prestigious venues. Would I feel the same if I wasn’t working with The Dualers, I can’t say. I can only focus on what is current in my life today. Having the ‘Big gig’ box ticked leaves me with a healthy amount of creative energy for doing things purely for the love of music. This is taking shape in a side project I’m currently involved with – The Back Spasm Band. A mix of soul, Afro funk and generally all things groovy! It is quite self indulgent and we aren’t afraid of that. It’s so much fun to be playing this type of music with these people. Heaven!
At a recent gig, I was having a great chat with our guitarist about how moving on from a gig, or anything for that matter, that is no longer serving you can be super scary but also feel really liberating. For working musicians the thought of an empty diary can be very scary indeed but why not look at it as an exciting opportunity for something new to come in its place.
What’s the saying? “As one door closes another opens”
This has certainly been true for me. One of my first pro gigs was working across the U.K in a cabaret act. In one phone call, I managed to land 100+ shows. This felt incredible. I had finally done it, I was a working musician. Fast forward two years and as much as I enjoyed the gig and learned a hell of a lot, it wasn’t fulfilling my needs. The creativity factor just wasn’t there and so I made the decision to leave that gig. That decision took a lot of deep thought. Not only was I giving up my financial security but also stepping away from that which I had worked so hard to achieve. This was a strange and scary feeling. Needless to say, the next gig I landed was The Dualers. A top 20 album and a headline slot at Wembley later, here I am writing about this experience. Man am I glad I followed my heart on that one!
I think that’s where I’m going with this post. I believe our gut, intuition, heart whatever you want to call it is a powerful beacon that lights the way through this mad journey we call life. I have, and am still learning to, follow and trust it as much as possible because you know what? There isn’t much out there in the big bad world that can actually do us any harm. If a decision you make isn’t the right one, who cares! Lesson learned! Dust off and move one! Our fight or flight instincts are built into us from way back when we faced potentially life threatening situations just walking out of our doors or erm, caves! But guess what guys?! There no more tigers out to get us anymore! I remind myself of this daily and it really helps. Try it!
Trust yourself, no one knows you better than you do.